Fourth week

sian. sian. sian.

fourth week! tests coming liaos.

i dun like the things i'm studying right now. don't appeal to me. for each modules i kinda got a lot of comment! yaya. me fucker. but seriously, very fuck up la.

i want to get something to be blame. from the very useless, redundant, mind-retarding modules itself to the lecturer accent and way of teaching...

everything can be blame. i'm a bigot.

in a very reflective mood. reflecting. thinking.

doing shadings. drawings. just don't like the lesson i am doing now.

there are people who dislike me. i can't do anything. i won't budge if they decide not to like me. i try best to 做人. life is short. i want to enjoy.

there's this recent trivial thing. yes. i'm petty, i rarely forgets my interaction with others.

its my bloody seat, i'm sitting with my dy ch... who the fuck knows u are coming to sit with us? i put my belonging on the other seat cannot ah! i came first leh! you don't want to sit with a freak, you think i should sit with him? you stupid or wat? i have been sticking with dy ch for 4 years liao, you want me to sit with some freak? can't think ah. fuck. ask you to move away nicely is give you face liaos... you ownself don't want. obviously i raise my voice la. i was there first, is you think i giving you a choice or you think you got choice! knn. retarded.

(he went facebook to vent his frustration. came up on my update. looking for trouble one.)

and please. you not some saint okay, call people bastard. keyboard warrior! knn. always go around call people names, nv think about your ownself. just that no one want to tell you tat you got a classic fuck face too.

losing my guts as i grow up. realise that there is too many thing to lose. i dunno why.

i'm losing my guts no more. (i'm telling myself if i tio adrain in NP friendly, i won't be leaving anything behind! no regrets.)

i like my blog song now. i dunno.

this caught my eye!

"to a right with nothing left, or, to a left and with nothing right."

words.

"nv see equal nv do."

=(

i know of such accusation. i have been accused like this before. dunno lar... sometimes, do good things, or actually dun nid to be good things, just do some things u feel u want to do, dun nid whole world know. but the feeling of being accused that u have done nothing... is frustrating. is like, "huh?! next time i do anything, i must make it known meh! a bit like... do things for the sake of letting people know that u did it. blowing your own horn like tat...

"ups and downs in everyone life"

i have seen enthusiastic people who gave up. passionate people who lost their passion. i do. i'm no different. i have lost my passion for things before.

i have no answer. it was like something... no more. just like, not more my problem. just take my time, enjoy, and to let the passion find me again.

maybe its like moving through the phases in life.

someone mention has mention this to me;

"if one has too much passion for something, one will lose it too quickly."

like a candle, too big the flame, the shorter the candle life.

too small the flame, it won't shine.

how much can one sustain its own passion?

at times, i do see someone very passionate, someone very enthusiastic, i do wonder for the person, will the passion or enthusiasm burn out? what will they feel when their passion has left them?

should i caution the person on what will be ahead? i don't know how to put it to them, i don't want to extinguished their passion. to sound pessimistic.

Pa's Answer

my recently noisy ma asked my pa,

"are you happy?"

hmmm.... i was thinking, trying to anticipate my pa's answer...

hais... how can my father be happy. of course not! so many problem for him. grown ups... got a family to take care. sole breadwinner. especially me. always gif problem... hais hais hais. how would he be happy?

to which he answered;

"what's happiness?"*in a philosophical way*

NICE ONE LARRRRRRRRR! PA!

took me by suprise. pleasant suprise! like father like son.

love my PA!

everyone is unique, special, not always anticipated.

i feel guilty for my knee.

but i still want to accomplish lots of thing!!!

no more turning kicks!

must be double!

left leg slam=right leg slam!

dear knee,

please recover...

hais~!

=(

waiting for the next renaissance.

i shall enjoy.

=)

this is life...

每当喝醉时都希望你是在我身旁。
借酒消愁。
却越喝越想你。
想起你的甜蜜的眼睛，
想起你甜蜜的笑容。
可最让我陶醉的还是你的嘴唇。